What is the pretending pandemic? Angela Cox explains more

Guest post by Angela Cox, Founder of Paseda360 Coach Training Academy

The Leadership Mask is costing more than we think. Why pretender masks are driving decisions

I walk into organisations and I can see the masks within a few minutes. They sit in the way people respond, in what gets said and what doesn’t. You can feel who is holding things together, who is managing the mood and who is sitting there measuring themselves before they speak.

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I call these the Pretender Masks and they are the patterns people fall into when they feel the need to protect something. This isn’t happening consciously, and it’s not an act in the ‘fake it till you make it’ sense. It is a learned way of being that becomes automatic over time.

There are four Pretender Masks that show up consistently in leadership.

1. The Perfectionist, driven by reputation and recognition, holding high standards and feeling personally responsible for outcomes.
2. The People Pleaser, driven by approval and acceptance, maintaining relationships and avoiding tension.
3. The Persecutor of Others, driven by control and compliance, challenging hard and pushing others to meet their standard.
4. The Persecutor of Self, driven by self-criticism, turning pressure inward and questioning their own capability.

These are not personality types. They are protective pattern and they are not always likeable. The Persecutor of Others can be experienced as difficult, critical, even intimidating. The Persecutor of Self can disappear into overthinking and hesitation. The People Pleaser can avoid what needs to be said. The Perfectionist can slow things down and set standards that are higher than the situation requires.

And yet, all of them make sense when you understand what they are protecting.

Why the masks exist in the first place

At some point, each of these patterns worked. They helped someone stay safe and protected reputation, belonging, control or self-worth. They became useful.

The brain does not discard what has worked. It keeps it close.

So when pressure increases, visibility rises and the stakes matter, those patterns return without invitation. Not as a strategy, but as a response.

Given enough time, they stop being something a leader does and start becoming how they lead. That is where the shift happens, because what once protected the individual begins to influence the organisation.

When protection starts to shape decisions

Most leaders believe they are making decisions in the best interest of the business. In many cases, that is absolutely their intention. What gets overlooked is how much influence sits just beneath that intention.

In the moment a decision is made, there is always something else present. It is not written into the strategy or called out in the meeting, yet it carries weight all the same. It’s something that leader feels compelled to protect.

Reputation, belonging, control, self-worth. These are not abstract ideas. They are active drivers.

You start to see it in the decisions that take on more weight than the situation demands. Something that could move forward becomes slower, heavier, more considered than necessary. In other moments, decisions move too quickly, shaped by a need to regain control or close something down before it opens up further.

What looks inconsistent from the outside begins to make sense when you look at what is being protected.

A Perfectionist is not trying to hold the business back. They are trying to ensure the outcome stands up. Yet the insistence on getting it right can quietly stall momentum.

A People Pleaser is not avoiding the decision. They are maintaining the relationship. Yet the absence of clarity carries its own cost, and that cost does not stay contained.

A Persecutor of Others is not aiming to limit contribution. They are holding a line. Yet the moment control tightens, the room narrows, and decisions are made with less input than they need.

A Persecutor of Self is not trying to delay progress. They are trying to reach the right answer. Yet the constant reworking and second-guessing erodes confidence in the decision itself.

On paper, each of these decisions can be defended. They can be explained, rationalised, even applauded. Underneath, they are being shaped by something far more personal. Protection has entered the room, and it is influencing the outcome.

What changes when leaders become aware

Nothing meaningful shifts at the level of behaviour until something shifts at the level of awareness. When a leader begins to recognise what they are protecting, they are no longer reacting on instinct alone. There is a moment, however brief, where they can see what is driving them and choose how to respond.

That is where the work needs to happen.

When leaders are coached at the level of identity, rather than just behaviour, the need for protection starts to ease. The Perfectionist no longer has to prove themselves through every decision. The People Pleaser can stay in relationship without avoiding what needs to be said. The Persecutor of Others can challenge without needing to dominate. The Persecutor of Self can reflect without turning that reflection inward as criticism.

The behaviours may still be present, but they are no longer running the show.

There is more capacity to think clearly and to consider what the business actually needs rather than what feels safest in the moment. Decisions become less about maintaining identity and more about moving the organisation forward.

Leaders who understand themselves well enough feel safe to take off the mask. And when that happens, the quality of decision-making changes in a way that is felt across the organisation.

Angela Cox is a Master Executive Coach and Founder of Paseda360 Coach Training Academy

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