The Relationship Balance Sheet and the Magic Box – Paolo Gallo

Right now, accountants and finance professionals are working around the clock to “close the books”, to finalise the balance sheets of their respective companies. Their numbers will be analysed and then approved by their board, scrutinised by the investors and – hopefully – will be audited as well.

I have to confess that I do the same: wait, not with my (limited) finances but with my relationships. I call it the “Relationship balance sheet”, a sort of end of the year evaluation where I take stock of the relationships, personal and professional, I have in my life.

It is a sober moment of reflection and self-assessment.   As such I may have some regrets myself by asking if I was able to be the person I aspire to become with the people I love, my family, with my friends and with my colleagues.  Every year I find reasons to improve: I know I have tried hard, but I am not sure I have always succeeded.

Still, I also evaluate and reflect on other peoples behaviour with me by asking if this relationship brings me joy, energy, intellectual stimulation, emotional connection, caring or…. just the opposite. I then divide relationships – and people – into 3 categories. The “asset people”, the “jury is still out” people and the “liability people”: for then I have a special place. Bear with me.

With the “asset people,” there is a common element: my relationship with them and – I believe – vice versa permeates with reciprocal Respect, Trust, meaningful exchanges, energy, integrity. Take for example “A” a wonderful woman recently appointed as CEO of a Global Bank in her country. She’s just brilliant, generous, a natural born connector, a true positive Leader: a role model. Working with “A” is – to me – pure bliss.

Or take “M” a sharp, intellectually curious mind: her problem? She’s doesn’t know how good she is. She’s caring, compassionate, fun to be with, versatile, a truly beautiful mind: working for her, as an Executive Coach has been an amazing journey surely for me.

Let’s talk about “E”: a true decent man, a Senior Executive of a multi-billion company: when we recently had dinner we ended up talking for 4 hours, with reciprocal trust and respect. What a fantastic person, humble, curious to learn always considerate, wise.

Let me talk about “P”, recently promoted to a big role: she’s keen to learn and improve, a truly caring person able to move mountains with her natural energy. “D” is a hero of mine: a true thought leader in his own field, a caring, wonderful man I am proud to collaborate with: a true gem of a person.

Last, “R”, a kind of genius in mathematics, in love with his job, constantly reinvents new ideas, a generous man with an amazing sense of humour, well in his 50s and yet somewhat still naïve and yet to smart with outstanding business acumen.

The list can go on and I can easily add 50 more people to this list without any problem. I am so lucky I have met these people in my journey as they are enriching my life with meaning, respect, trust. I hope to do the same with theirs.

The jury is still out is about people that have still to demonstrate the element of reciprocity that permeates every adult relationship. Let me explain. Take for example “M”: we have agreed to collaborate on several fronts a couple of years ago.

We did but – so far – I generated all the opportunities: I believe he’s a perfectly decent man but he’s been on a receiving end for quite a while now. Would he deliver with the same commitment and regularity I have demonstrated to him? I am optimistic – I like him – but to be on the safe side I will let you know next year.

And then we have the “liability people”. This main feature of these kinds of people is that they remember you exist only when they need you. They have a shallow idea of a relationship, as is a relationship is a transaction limited to today’s needs.

Take for example former colleagues that magically re-appear when they are looking for jobs, a former colleague who – she asked me to help to find another role, I send her a role she was qualified for, she asked me to provide references, she got the job and…elegantly disappear. When she needed me she called at 11 pm, then it took an average of 6 months for her to respond to a message.

Of course, I have stopped, as we know that the true colour of a person is revealed when you are no longer useful to them. In this category, we will find also potential clients that never bothered to respond to you only to contact you when – guess what – they need a job or connections to find one or people who have abused their power when they were in a position to do so or people that have amazing profiles on Linkedin only to find out that is all fake.

He claims to be a best-selling author. I know that that the book was written by others and the book was put on sale for 0.01 cent for the first week. Voila! Here’s the best selling author. Do I want to be affiliated with these charlatans?

The real question here is simple: do you need these people in your life? Does it give you joy to engage with them? After talking to them do you feel used or energised? If the sensation is negative, they squarely belong to “liability people” and is time to remove them from your life. Wait: I am not advocating any vindictive or violent solution here, far from it, not we should use some sinister voodoo ritual with needles and black magic.

I am about to reveal you a secret.

Many years ago I have bought a lovely wooden box – the size of a shoebox – in a street market in Zanzibar. Once per year, I take this box, open it and add little pieces of paper with the name and surname of the liability person written on it. I then say loudly the following “Dear XXX, I forgive you for the pain you have caused me:  Farewell.”

The name of the person will then remain un-said for the rest of my life, as I do not wish to even pronounce their names anymore as, for me, they cease to exist. If they re-appear in some shape or form, I just ignore them completely. I have forgiven them, but I have and will not forget them. As we have learned by the wisdom of Native Americans, “Once you find what is worth keeping, with a blow of kindness blow the rest away.” 

So: farewell Liability people:  I want to use my love and energy for the assets people. Believe me, it is a great social detox we all need and I am sure you have a box somewhere in the house you may need for this purpose: not too big and not too little either: it will be filled rapidly.

Written by Paolo Gallo

About Paolo Gallo

Paolo Gallo has delivered more than 100 keynotes including 10 Downing Street, World Economic Forum in Davos, Ferrari, FCA-Fiat, LVMH, Manpower, World Bank, Microsoft, United Nations, Toyota, Ministry of Economics and Finance(Italy) ,LVMH, Citigroup, Blackrock, UBS, ENI, Unicredit, Salesforce, IATA, WTO, WHO, WIPO, British Chamber of Commerce, PWC, IMD, St.Gallen, Antwerp Management Schools, Starbucks and given TEDx and several commencement speeches worldwide.

Paolo has served as Chief Human Resources Officer at the World Economic Forum in Geneva and has also been Chief Learning at The World Bank in Washington DC and Director of Human Resources at the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development in London, with prior experience at the International Finance Corporation in Washington DC and at Citigroup in London, New York and Milan, his hometown.