Mastering Tough Conversations: The Superpower for Successful Bosses of the Future

Wouldn’t it be great if business leaders could save money just by saying the right things? Guess what: we can. I’m not talking about flattering superiors or telling investors what they want to hear. I mean that by becoming experts in taking the difficult conversations where we want them to go, we can achieve wins for both sides and reduce the costs incurred by misunderstandings, vengeful employees, and disgruntled customers.

Do these things really have a price? You bet. Failed projects tanked by inaccuracies … attrition and new hiring … lawsuits … lost business…. All of the direct costs or loss of profits these represent affect a company’s bottom line.

As the HR landscape changes and competition for everything grows, bosses who avoid these problems will become heroes in their organizations. The great secret is that leaders who are skilled in the art of professional conversations can boost enterprises past troubled waters and into greater revenue streams. Here are some techniques to keep in mind.

Don’t go it alone. Protect yourself legally and save time by removing the he said/she said dynamic. When you’ve identified the need to have a talk with troubled customer, employee, or group, use the buddy system. If it’s a phone call with an upset client, record it, and ask any other interested party in the dispute, such as a department manager, to listen as well.

If you’re questioning an individual employee, get a relevant third party or objective witness to sit in on the discussion. If you have to confront a team or group, select an unbiased moderator or choose professional arbitration.

Be prepared. Whether you’re trying to get to the bottom of an employee disagreement, an individual’s poor performance, or a customer service failing, do your homework. Prepare for a two-way conversation, not just a passive listening session. To take charge of the encounter, review any background reports or HR data so you can have an informed exchange.

Then, lay out your goals for the talk: will they include gathering firsthand information, insisting on accountability, sanctioning or initiating probation, or simply terminating an employee? To get where you want to go, you have to select a destination. What’s your preferred outcome? Identify any known obstacles to that goal and how you might circumvent them.

Be open, not closed.

Choosing the ideal outcome, however, does not mean prejudging the case. Once you actually sit down to talk, do it with what’s called a growth, rather than a fixed, mindset. This means being aware of your own biases, even you believe the other party to be in the wrong. It means staying open to the possibility of learning or gaining something new from the experience yourself.

This attitude will preserve the objectivity of any witnesses or facilitators. It will allow an alleged offender to admit and repent, or to prove innocence without earning an apology or legal redress. Customers, in particular, are often “always” perceived to be right until—and sometimes even despite—no obvious wrongdoing by the company can be demonstrated.

Listen more than you talk.

Having your ducks in a row means that you don’t need to process your thoughts out loud. As you talk with your employee or client, emphasize their story, not yours. This is their chance to clarify, verify, or otherwise state their case. Even if you have a beef, as in a poor performance or firing situation, this is no time to give someone a “talking to.”

In fact, letting the subject of the tough conversation know they are heard lets you emerge as a modest champion—one who was willing to listen and do the right thing. So, practice thoughtful listening to erase biases or misunderstandings. Repeat back what you hear in your own words and ask if that’s a fair interpretation. If not, ask the subject to further explain or put things another way.

End the discussion when both parties either agree on the facts and next steps, or politely agree to disagree. You’ll know what your recourse is, and you’ll have your contingencies mapped out. This flexible yet firm approach will carry you through any sticky situations that might arise in the future. And you’ll have one more experience under your belt to inform a difficult decision, the next time.

By leadership speaker Chris Dyer who is a recognised performance and company culture expert and author of The Power of Company Culture (Kogan Page, 2018).

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