5 Warning Signs You Need to Improve Your Soft Skills

By Anne Taylor

Many people assume their people skills or soft skills are okay.  Especially those who get results, consistently deliver projects and are essentially successful.  The thing is okay might not be good enough.  Global research last year found that only 66% of employees are engaged at work, and it’s flat or decreasing in most areas except Asia1. Additionally, during this time of unprecedented change and uncertainty people skills are key to success and wellbeing.

5 Warning Signs You Need Better Soft Skills

People tell you – Has your boss ever said you could be warmer, more people-oriented or more inspiring? Do you have lower engagement scores on your organization’s engagement survey?  Have family or friends ever joked about you being icy, distant or unemotional?  Ever received feedback that you’re too tough or unapproachable?

There’s a pattern of your employees leaving more often than for other managers in the organization – Research shows that most people quit because of a manager rather than the company2.  If you experience higher turnover (have lower employee retention) than you’d like and especially versus other managers, it might serve you to look at yourself.

You sense you could be better – Something in you feels like you could or should be better with people; maybe more tolerant, more patient or spending more time with people helping them develop and grow.  Do you feel frustrated, angry or impatient often? Feeling emotionally charged, whether others see it or not, suggests self-awareness and self-management could help you feel and perform better.

You’re not advancing or are missing out on promotions – Others are being promoted ahead of you.  If you’re delivering the results expected of you then either perhaps your poor at self-promotion or it’s how you are delivering those results that puts you at a disadvantage.  What are others doing that you’re not?  Who are they as leaders?  Bill Gates and Steve Jobs both led successful companies, how they led was very different.  And, what are your feelings about self-promotion?

Working relationships aren’t easy – Are you often misunderstood?  Do you often misunderstand others? Do you find certain people difficult to deal with?  Office politics leave you at your wit’s end?  Communicating often feels hard?  This suggests an issue with social awareness – understanding other peoples’ emotions, motivations and managing interactions.

5 Things to Improve Soft Skills

Listen to understand what people are saying or not saying to you – enter a dialogue about how you could be better.  Ask “what could I start doing to be more effective?”  Or if you’ve been told you’re abrupt ask, “what do I say and do that makes you feel that way?”  You can then ‘flip’ that ‘data’ to be less abrupt.  Ask, “what would be the opposite of abrupt?”  That gives you the ‘goal’ to aim towards.

Observe who uses soft skills well – watch them as a role model.  What do they do or say that people seem to appreciate?  What conveys warmth or inspiration?  How do they interact that builds the relationship while getting the work done?

Notice your own behaviours, reactions and impact – soft skills or people skills start with YOU.  YOU are the only constant in all your interactions.  YOU are the only person you can change.  How do you behave in various situations ore with different people?  Be more self-aware to understand your impact.

Give feedback – start by giving positive feedback rather than developmental.  Observe people saying and doing good things and acknowledge them specifically on those behaviours.  Reference this template for more how-to.

Ask open questions – get curious.  Ask what they are thinking with regards to a topic?  Ask how they are feeling.  Ask what brings out the best in them.  Ask what’s important to them or what they are passionate about.  Inquire about an object behind them in a zoom video.  It can be about work. non-work or both.

This isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about being yourself with more skill.  Heed the warning signs, even if it’s to go from good people skills to great.

What warning signs are you worried about?  What improvement in soft skills would make you more effective?

If you’re not sure where to start or feel something is holding you back, contact me here about a complimentary coaching session for your, if not your team’s, benefit.

Endnotes

1 https://www.kincentric.com/-/media/kincentric/pdfs/kincentric_2019_trends_global_employee_engagement_august.pdf

2 https://www.forbes.com/sites/victorlipman/2015/08/04/people-leave-managers-not-companies/#7f0d84b947a9

Anne Taylor is an Executive Coach & Author, helping successful, results-driven leaders improve their people skills to be more effective and satisfied.  Her website www.directions-coaching.com offers a range of materials, a sign-up for a complimentary session and a download of the first chapter of her book, “Soft Skills Hard Results.”

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