5 Actions to take when Red Events hit

Interesting guest post by James Parnell, who is the founder of The Wellbeing Gym and creator of the SPIRAL method for personal well-being and performance.  

Red Events

It has been 35 days since a family member was admitted to hospital with a serious illness. It necessitated a quick shift in priorities for my wife and myself, one of which was for me to assume the homemaker role.

Immediately, both the workload and mental stress ratcheted up a few notches. It will stay at that level for a while to come.

But this is life – throwing curveballs at us from left field when we least expect. I call this a Red Event.

I have long thought pursuing well-being as an end to be somewhat useful, but ultimately futile. More helpful is building resilience.

But whatever your preference, both involve the same habits.

When a red event occurs, our well-being will dip for a time. Our Resilience – our ability to bounce back – will determine how far and how long.

A useful question is ‘What can we do to strengthen it?’ There is much we can do to build it.

What habits have I built that served me during this time – and that I will rely on while we support our loved one back to health?

Here are the five things I doubled down on to get me through the last few weeks (relatively) unscathed.

Number 1: Eliminate Trivia (with the Gift of Perspective)

Red events offer us a gift, although we might not feel it. In an instant, we get perspective. Suddenly, trivial projects and tasks pale into significance.

I doubled down on many of the practices that I teach.

I ruthlessly prioritised and eliminated all low-value items.

I set even stricter boundaries on time using weekly planning.

I optimised my daily energy. (The mental stress and anxiety when a loved one is long-term unwell automatically reduces physical energy.)

Finally, I focussed on the moment. I made the most of my (reduced) high mental focus time to crack out the essential thinking work.

In short, reduce work to be productive only on the highest value items. Perspective helps.

Number 2: Connection (Your Inner Circle)

The people in your inner circle will appear when you need them most. Who exactly might surprise you? Those you thought would help, might not. Others, to your great surprise, come to the fore.

Take all help offered. It’s a win-win. Those who offer it build their resilience, while you will viscerally feel the benefit of the love received.

Number 3: ANY Physical Exercise

I usually work out five days a week. I was so glad I built that habit. While I reduced the frequency, training offered me, not only a release of stress but the opportunity to connect with others. Which leads me to number 4.

Number 4: Talk

If people asked how I was, usually I would not hide it. I would say I was not great.

Two good things happen.

1. Even expressing it is a release of stress. You release it from your body.
2. People will support you simply by listening or doing something to reduce your overload.

Warning! Doing this may involve unexpected crying in public.

Number 5: Nature

Over the years, I’ve built a habit of getting out during the afternoon for an ocean swim or walk.

Although I had less time, this habit stuck – and I combined it with shopping and other odd jobs in my new role.

Productive and stress-busting!

Practice What You Preach

Everything I have preached over the years came to the rescue. Self-care, knowing what’s important, being super-organised, moving, nature and connection – each one lifted my spirits. Oh, and rest! I slept a lot more as my body and mind demanded. I listened. My 6 a.m. gym time moved when it needed to.

The Inflexion Point

Having declined speaking and well-being talks for a few weeks, I felt ready to do just one, coincidentally, during mental health week.

We kicked off with an audience check-in. It’s a simple format. Each participant anonymously chooses a colour.

—  RED: Struggling. I could do with some help.

—  AMBER: OK. Challenges, but I think I got this.

—  GREEN: Good! I think I could help people.

For the first time since doing this, I took part. I mentioned to the audience that I was RED and offered the short version of this article. I’m pretty open, but it still wasn’t easy. But I knew I must practise what I preach. I insisted that anyone feeling ‘red’ must talk to someone. That is where the healing starts.

The interaction was magic. By sharing my pain, the participants connected.

Because everybody understands. Many of us feel overwhelmed. Most of us have challenges. But all of us are resilient.

So, if you’re not already, strengthen yours through the five habits above. You might not need them today, but they will serve you well in future.

After all, why be surprised by mental health issues when physical ones are every day?

James Parnell is the founder of The Wellbeing Gym and creator of the SPIRAL method for personal wellbeing and performance. The Wellbeing Gym provides online, offline and blended wellbeing, leadership, performance and productivity training talks, workshops and programmes to individuals and businesses.

He is also the author of the book ‘A New Dawn’ and founder of ANewDawninIreland.com – a resource for returning immigrants or those coming to Ireland for the first time. His programmes are the first blended online and offline training/coaching programmes to inspire and help people create their ideal life in Ireland.

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